Driving “Soul-O”

"When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." - Buddhist Proverb.

 It was a beautiful grey winter day in February. The year was 2008 and I was driving with my little toddler in the back seat of a beat-up sedan. I was responsible for caring and raising this little boy and it terrified me that I was responsible for another human's life while I hadn't figured out my own!

It was just too much to bear and I had come to a point where I just wanted to be able to figure LIFE out and feel a sense of rightness.

Of being whole.

Of being complete.

Of being fulfilled.

You see, from childhood, I have this feeling that there was this voice inside of me whispering telling me that I was meant to do some things special that I was special and I had never had the opportunity to explore that any further. As the years rolled on and life happened, this voice got more and more subdued until all I could feel was this sense of mild unease within myself.

As I drove down the flat Texas road, I remember looking up at the gray afternoon sky that winter's day and suddenly feeling a pure burst off hope in my being. There was a sense of comfort, of encouragement, of knowing that everything was going to be okay. It wasn’t like I heard any words or angels singing or saw lights from the heavens above for that matter. I just remember feeling a sense of deep peace coming from the knowing that I was reassured in a way that I had never felt before. At that instant, I knew that the rest of my life what's going to be okay even though I couldn't see how or when. I remember driving down to a bookstore right after almost like I was drawn to do it. I remember walking past a few books and picking on off the rack as if I were being guided to do it. I remember sitting in the bookstore pouring over every word of the book, unable to tear my eyes away from the words. These were the exact words I needed. Nectar for my soul. It felt like that book was written for me and it was the message that I was to receive. Through teary eyes I managed to peel myself away from the book enough to be able to pay for it.

My life changed after that cold February day. It changed for the better. It changed slowly but surely.

This was the day I discovered my soul and I will forever be grateful for it.